Mario Wars: Episdode VI: A New Dope
by Shadow Volt
Summary: Luke Skywalker is dead...Fortunatley, only one redcapped idiot can take his place. Trust me, you will laugh. PLEASE REVIEW!
1. The Unwanted Adventure

**Mario Wars**

Mario is sitting at home on his fat ass watching TV.

Mario: Wow, I sure love sitting my fat ass here on this couch watching TV.

Luigi: Come on Mario. You can't just sit here all day. You need to go out and get a job.

Mario: I have a job. I'm the local hero.

Luigi: Mario, there hasn't been an emergency in months. Bowser hasn't attacked or anything.

Mario: You never know when he might.

Luigi: Dammit, Mario. I'm not going to be the only one to be paying the bills around here. I've got a job and I'm the only one who knows how to make money!

Mario: I could get a job if I wanted to. I just don't wanna.

Luigi swears.

Mario: Watch your language! I'm telling mom!

Luigi: We don't have a mom. Wer'e not even real. We're just media icons created and copyrighted by the Nintendo Corporation and used on an everday basis for shipping and advertisment, also to be used in the occasional fanfiction.

Mario: I'm telling Dad you broke the fourth wall.

Mario reaches for the phone. But there is a great flash of white light that fills the room. Luigi blinks and Mario has vanished.

Luigi: Phew! Now his fat ass is outta here, maybe I can finally watch some good old fashioned porno.

He walks over to the couch and pulls out a rather cheesy DVD. Meanwhile, in a galaxy far, far away...

Mario: AAAAAAAAHHHH! Wh-where am I?

He looks around to see an elderly old man, 2 robots, and a young adult who appears to be dead.

Mario: Who the hell are you freaks?

Obi Wan: Greetings good sir. My name is Obi-

Mario farts.

Mario: Ha ha ha...sorry go ahead.

Obi Wan: Er...yes. My name is-

Mario does it again.

Mario: HA HA HA!...sorry, I'm through.

Obi Wan:...My name is Obi Wan Kenobi.

Mario: That's a weird ass name. It's like, something out of a science fiction movie.

Obi Wan: Er...yes, well...as you can see, my Padawan is dead.

Mario: Padawan? What is that, like some kind of-

Obi Wan: WILL YOU STOP INTERUPPTING ME!

Mario: AH!

Obi Wan: DAMMIT!

Mario:...

Obi Wan. Anyway, like I was saying, my young Padawan, Luke, has died. I have summoned you here because I need to train someone to defeat the evil Darth Vader.

Mario: How'd he die?

Obi Wan: Apparantley, a large spiked rock killed him.

Mario: What makes you say that?

Obi Wan:...There's a large spiked boulder sticking out of his chest.

Mario:...Now let's not jump to conclusions.

C3PO: I say, Master Kenobi. This man does not appear to have the average amount of intellegence as the normal man.

Mario: you, dude

C3PO: Well, I never

R2D2: Beep boop boop beep.

Mario: Hey, this little guy looks funny.

C3PO: Why, this is my little companion R2D2. This little R2 unit has full standard capabilities of...I say!

Mario has jumped on top of R2 and is trying to ride him like a horsey.

Mario: GIDDYUP ROBOT! YEEEEEEE-HAW!

Obi Wan: Get off him, Padawan! Get of before you br-

R2D2 explodes.

Mario: OW! I THINK THAT LITTLE BOOGER BLEW MY TESTICLES OFF!...1,2...okay all three of them are there.

C3PO: But the average male anatomy has only 2.

Obi Wan: HAVE WE ALL FORGOTTEN WHY WE ARE HERE!

Mario: I never knew.

Obi Wan: You are going to join me to defeat the-

Mario farts

Mario: OH, DAMMIT! IT'S JUST SO FUNNY!

Obi Wan loses his patience and slashes at Mario, who tries to dodge. Fortunatley, Obi Wan only cuts his overall straps. Mario's pats fall to the ground.

C3PO: I say sir, forgive me if I'm wrong...but isn't the avearge human penis supposed to be...well, quite larger than that I'm sure...

Mario: Shut up, it's cold out here.

C3PO: But sir, we are in the middle of the dessert.

Han Solo runs up with Chewbacca.

Han Solo: Hey I heard you guys need a...WOAH THAT THING IS SMALL!

Mario pulls up his pants and blushes.

Han Solo: Wev'e got a ship for you guys if you need it.

Obi Wan: We would be most grateful...

Han Solo: Okay, well I...where's Luke?

Obi-Wan: Dead. Wev'e replaced him with this gentleman.

Mario looks around and realizes that there is a huge spacecraft in front of him.

Mario: HOLY MOTHER OF CHEESE! WHAT IS THAT THING!

Han Solo: Ah, you like huh? It's called the Millenium Falcon.

Mario: No, I meant the Bigfoot looking thing.

Han Solo: Oh...that is my first mate, Chewbacca.

Mario: Is he a vicious bloodthirsty killer?

Han Solo: No.

Mario: Is he a psychotic, horny ass raper?

Han Solo: No.

Chewbacca: Raaaaaaaaa!

Han Solo: I mean, yes.

_After many hours of arguing, the people finally get on the ship and onto Mario's next great adventure..._


	2. Vaders Seeing Eye

Mario Wars

Chapter 2

Darth Vader is sitting in a dark room. All of his clone troppers are stationed behind him. He is watching a gigantic screen with Mario on it, acompanyying Obi Wan, Han Solo, and Chewbacca onto the Millenium Falcon.

Darth Vader: So, it appears that Mario is here at last.

Commander Lucas: Sir, don't you find this a little strange?

Darth Vader: You mean besides the fact that you're completley naked?

Commander Lucas: Well...it is casual Friday.

Darth Vader: Yes well, anyway. What should I find strange?

Commander Lucas: Well sir, Luke Skywalker dies, but Obi-Wan just happens to find a new Padawan just like that...It's just...strange.

Darth Vader; Don't you worry about that Commander Lucas. I have no worries about Obi- Wan's new Padawan.

Commander Lucas: I see. Is there a reason?

Darth Vader: You see, Commander...Mario is an idiot.

Commander Lucas: Mario? How do you know his name?

Darth Vader: Oh, Mario and I go way back.

Darth Vader pulls out his lightsaber and slashes off Commander Lucas' arm.

Lucas; AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! WHAT THE HELL, MAN? DAMN IT!

Darth Vader: Oh, sorry. It's just I hate that Mario...I want him finished.

Commander Lucas screams some more and then dies from severe blood loss.

Darth Vader: COMMANDER GEORGE!

Commander George: Yes sir!

Darth Vader: Bring me my iPod

Commander George: Um, sir. iPods wont be available in this Sector of space for another...

Darth Vader shoves his lightsaber up Commander George's ass.

Commander George: OH MY GOD! THE PAIN!

Darth Vader: Imbucile! Don't you ever question me!

Commander George: YES, MASTER SKYWALKER!

Darth Vader: YOU FOOL! I AM NOT ANAKIN SKYWALKER! HE'S DEAD!

Darth Vader picks up Commander George and gives him to a Wookie.

Darth Vader: Take him to the Rape Room.

The Wookie holds Commander George upside down by his ankle and carries him off, screaming for release.

Darth Vader: DOES ANYBODY ELSE WANT TO CONFUSE ME WITH ANAKIN SKYWALKER!

Clone Troopers: NO SIR!

Darth Vader: Good. Now then, I want Mario here at the space station. Wherever he is headed, I want his course altered so that he ends up here.

Mario: (on screen) Hey old man, where is it wer'e headed.

Obi-Wan (on screen): I told you 23 times now! Wer'e going to the Death Star!

Mario: (on screen) Oh...cool.

Darth Vader: Hmmmmmm...

Commander Gerald: Um, sir. It seems Mario is headed here to the Death Star.

Darth Vader: Gee, thanks for the update Commander.

Commander Gerald: Why thank, you Master Va-

Darth Vader slashes him with a lightsaber.\

Darth Vader: Bring me the prisoner!

A Clone Trooper brings Princess Liea to Vader's throne.

Darth Vader: Hello, my lovely.

Princess Liea: What do you want?

Darth Vader: Just to tell you that your brother Luke...yeah...he's dead.

Princess Liea: What? NOOOOOO!

Darth Vader: I know you're mourning the loss of your brother. If it makes you feel better, we can get nude and kiss passionatley in front of all my Clone Troopers, who will then take digital pictures and post them on Liea: NEVER! YOU KILLED MY BROTHER!

Darth Vader: I did not! A rock fell on him! Damn, blame the galactic overlord for everything!

Princess Liea: OH MY GOD! MY BROTHER'S DEAD! OH GOD!

Darth Vader: Look, bitch... Are we gonna kiss or not?

Princess Liea: NO!

Darth Vader: THEN AWAY WITH YOU!

Princess Liea is grabbed by her ankles and dragged out of the room.

Commander Bob: Um, sir. Readings show that the Millenium Falcon should be within a five mile radius of the Death Star in about 10 minutes.

Darth Vader: Ha ha ha ha ha ha...That's right...come to me, Mario. Come and meet your doom!

_Who is this new threat who claims to have old ties with Mario? He says he isn't the Anakin Skywalker that was the original Darth Vader...So who could this new guy be...There's only one way to find out...Tune in for more Mario Wars!_


End file.
